Was the Money Worth It (Psst… No.)

The advice we've inherited: hustle harder, scale bigger, keep pushing, no days off. It all came from a blueprint that was written when women weren't even in the room.

So we listened, and we told ourselves that once we hit that number (whatever the arbitrary mark was) we would finally feel successful. Only then, could we breathe and have a life.

Except when women do get there, we find ourselves asking:

→ Why does this feel so empty?

→ Why do I feel so alone?

Our Dames founder, Meghann Conter, unpacked exactly this on the Wisdom of Women Show with Coco Sellman. In this episode, they discuss why revenue can't be the only marker of success anymore and what it actually looks like to grow a business while balancing a life worth living.

Traditional Business Models Were Built By Men, For Men

Women have been taught to chase an outdated definition of success. Business books, leadership advice, growth models, all of it was written before women ever came into the room.

Keep pushing.

   Scale bigger.

     No days off. 

       Work harder.

         You’ll sleep when you're dead.

           If you're not growing, you're dying.

              If you're not working 60, 70, 80+ hours, you’re failing.

We followed the advice and did everything we were told.

So why were we left feeling exhausted? Why do we feel so empty, even though we have more than enough? Why don’t we know our kids anymore?  Why are our relationships falling apart?

We were sold on a promise that didn’t match reality. The carrot was dangling right in front of our faces, and once we finally got it, it was stale. 

Was the Money Worth It? Psst… No.

Our health is deteriorating. So many women are on medication just to get through the workday, just to function. Your nervous system has been running on fight-or-flight for years, and you've stopped noticing. You're not happy, but you don't have time to focus on your health, not when there's still a revenue goal to hit.

Our relationships are struggling. The partner you were supposed to build a life with… you're so disconnected you feel more like estranged roommates. Honestly, when's the last time you took an unannounced day off? You're the boss, isn't that supposed to be the point?

Our families are paying for it. Missed birthdays. Or worse, you're there, but you're so exhausted you can't actually celebrate. Or you're so exhausted that the first thing that comes out is anger, and it lands on the people who least deserve it.

We've lost our sense of self. When's the last time you took a day for yourself, just because? In this hustle culture, "just because" isn't allowed. Everything needs a reason and rest must be earned, justified, explained.

Eventually you look around and think: I built this for freedom, but why do I feel so trapped?

Success, The Feminine Way

Revenue and growth matter, but success, the feminine way, includes other things like joy, freedom, health, relationships, and alignment. None of that needs to be separate from the "real" business or a nice-to-have thing on the side. It's part of the whole picture.

We've been told to leave our personal lives at the door. So we split ourselves in half, performing one version of ourselves at work, and hiding the rest. When you stop masking (when joy and alignment get to exist while you work, not just after hours) the growth that follows is real.  

Chasing a number while ignoring everything else isn't success, no matter how big the number gets. Success can also look like: is my stress better than it was last year? Is my outlook better? Is my health better? Those count too.

If you kill yourself to hit a goal and lose everything else in the process, even work you once loved can turn into something you loathe.

Sacrifice has its place, but it has a limit too, and you're allowed to draw that line wherever you choose.

Why Women Need Different Rooms

Once we start questioning our definition of success (and what makes us happy), we need somewhere to actually say that out loud.

We've learned, over and over, that being ourselves around the wrong people comes at a cost. Say too much, want too much, believe the wrong thing, and it gets used against us one way or another.

So we censor and watch our backs, even when we don't realize we're doing it. This is why the room matters.

We need a space where we can define success on our own terms, push back on the inherited narrative, and know we're not going to be punished for it. A place where we don't have to brace ourselves, because nobody's waiting to weaponize what we said.

Success was never supposed to cost you everything else.

If you're ready to grow a business that includes joy, health, and the people you love (not instead of them), come find your room.